Superficiallife had a question. | mrwinstonsmith's Blog

I was asked this question:

1) I didn't ask to exist (as far as I know), I didn't make my brain, my body, the world and what it contains, I didn't pick the options in front of me that I have to choose from... I can only work with what is in front of me, where is my REAL say in things?


2) Don't people just love us for our functions because once we become a threat they throw us out? So they don't love us, but our beneficial actions towards them?


3) Even in religion don't people just look for eternal self-preservation by molding themselves after an authority figure, who is not better or worse than them but different?


4) Aren't we just objects trapped in our own entity, our own desires, our own life... and in this life trapped in a world we did not choose?


5) Is love a made up concept, since humans just mainly want to control others to be molded unto them, and rejected once unmoldable?


6) How are there so many people alive... why live?


:( Can someone please care??? :(


My answer didn't fit in the answer box allotted, so i posted it here and gave her a link.


You're right, a lot of the time, we don't have a good set of choices, we just have to make do with what we are handed, but this is not always the case, at many times, we get many options, and there isn't always only 1 good answer, at that time, we make our best choices because if we don't, we will be restricted to choices we don't want again. If, and inevitably when we end up with only bad choices ahead of us, we distinguish ourselves not with our choices, but with our attitude, our strength in taking a bad choice and making it work.


You are here, you didn't get a choice, but you get a choice on how you will go through life. Many of my decisions were made for me, against my will, but the way i lived with those choices, the fact that i took them, and made the best i could out of them, even if those choices broke my heart, that is what i am most proud of, not making good choices, but how i handled the bad ones. No great man becomes great though his good choices, but through his actions and his resolve when his choice is taken away.



People LIKE us for our functions, if you fail to perform those functions, they don't like you any more and you are discarded, but love is much stronger, and rarer, no matter what people say. When i say love in this context  i don't just mean romantic love, but a connection, where they are part of yourself, you value them enough that they are a part of who you are, without them, you are not you.


At that point you love them, and their function becomes something new. They are part of you. Their most important function is to fill a small part of your soul. Best friend, wife, children, parents. You cant throw these people away, because you would lose part of yourself in the process.


However, as i stated this is rare. Only 2 friends have ever earned my love, and only 1 woman my romantic love, not even my whole family have my love if i'm really honest with you.


Beyond that, you are totally right. If you stop doing for them what they like you for, you are surplus to requirements, and are excised.



Many people in religion are just looking for their heaven-ticket, much of my motivation in my religion is to avoid losing my seat in heaven. But i have come to trust God, not just because he will get me into heaven, but because thought i have suffered in life, i have never had no options left. "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13. This has been true throughout my life. Even if that avenue of escape is just a word of encouragement, a memory, a principle that allows me to hold my ground against the storm, i have never been left with nothing.


How can a God who has never left me stranded when i really needed him not be trusted? I Trust him and count him as one of my great friends, even though i am a terrible friend in return. I do not love him as my religion demands, but i'm not entirely motivated for my own self interest, he is my friend.



Without self-reflection yes. We are made with routines, and desires, and values, usually modelled on our strongest paternal figure, and if we don't question them, then they rule us, and for the most part, we cant escape them. But we aren't without some freedom. We are uniquely able to look at ourselves, to judge our actions and our character, and if we are so motivated, to work to change ourselves. It is a long process, but when we persevere  we can choose who we are.


Its not easy, but its possible.



Love is not made up, i have felt love, for a couple friends, and oh so much stronger for a woman, but it can only happen if you allow it to. You have to open yourself to people, let them in, be confident enough in yourself to share yourself with them, and vice versa. I don't mean sex, i mean you soul, to share with them who you really are, to make yourself vulnerable to them. When you do that, and they don't crush you, but open themselves up in return, it is wonderful. There becomes a person in your life who is real to you on a whole new level, someone as worthy as you of happiness, and choice, but oh so much more wonderful because they are showing you all this. They can teach you hope and joy and love because they, unlike the shadows we live amongst are a real person, as complicated and vibrant as you are, and so much more so by comparison to the world you are used to.


You cant bear the thought of being exiled back to the world of shadows you lived in before them, and they change you, and most importantly, you let them change you. You only manipulate and control others because they aren't as real to you as you are. They are the shadows around you, they aren't people. But when you see a real person you start to wonder how many others there are out there.


Love is a wonderful thing. My brother pretty much personified what you are talking about in Number 5. He wouldn't do anything for anyone without it somehow helping him. If i needed a ride, even for something extremely important, he wouldn't even pick up his keys without me promising to buy him ice cream. Everything he did had to come back to him somehow, but then he met his fiancée  and he softened. At first i thought he was just being nice around her, but she showed him a better way of living, an openness and kindness and believed in him. He has become such a better man since her. He was never evil or mean, he just didn't seem to care before her. Now he keeps surprising me with his generosity, i must accept that he has become a better man for meeting her.


Love makes you want to change. You see a real person, and you see in them so many things that you thought you weren't capable of, and you wish you were, and they teach you to become that. My kindness and willingness to open up to people, my strength, i owe to the woman i love. She didn't love me, and so i have returned to the shadows  but i have returned a changed man for having seen another person as real as me. And she was better than me.



The majority of people live because they don't consider that there is another option. Those who do are split into 3 categories.

1) The miserable, too afraid to end their lives, but too miserable to enjoy them either.

2) The truly happy, those who see their lives for what they are and enjoy them to the full. Every painful event is a learning experience, even joyful one, a moment to treasure. There is no down side to a life once you have chosen to live it right.

3) The suicides.


Which one sounds better to you? I was miserable for quite some time, maybe a decade, but at long last, i have grown to accept my life, to see in it all the good things, to appreciate all the lessons i have learned, and be thankful for my chance to learn them. I am glad i was bullied at school, that i was depressed, i am glad i have lost friends, and made bad choices, these things have made me, and after a long time of trying and working, and after a little help, i am happy with who i am, and so thankful of how i got here. I have asked all these questions before, and now i am happy. Some day you can be too.



I hope this helps.

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