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My quiet friends annoy me. | mrwinstonsmith's Blog


This is my first blog... ever... i would have put this into a story, but it just doesn't fit any experience, because lets face it, it isn't an experience, its an opinion, a feeling, but i digress, this IS my first blog entry, so if I'm doing it wrong somehow, be kind.

When i was in secondary school, i was bullied, and as a response, i withdrew into myself. I withdrew so much, that i was one of the most shy in the school by my 2nd year. I was like this for so long, i forgot what it was like to be confident. But then, enough was enough. I threw myself into social situations, i went dancing with pretty girls, i chatted to strangers, and it was HORRIBLY uncomfortable. But as i kept throwing myself into these frankly hellish situations, i grew used to them, until eventually, i actually started getting enjoyment from them.

Now i am almost completely oblivious to the concept of embarrassment. I enjoy throwing myself into situations and then getting control over them, i enjoy pushing my social skills as far as i can, but still inside myself i can feel that timid little boy i was all those years ago, and it is just a complete disregard for the consequences of my actions that allows me to act confident. This is not to say that i am reckless or thoughtless, i do worry about the consequences, but i push it to the back of my mind, i detach myself from that worry to view it objectively, to allow myself to get on with what im doing.

Now i have loads of friends, im pretty good with the ladies, and you wouldnt guess that i was once too shy to even ask out a girl i liked. This sounds like a good turn around, but there is more. I never understood the social "graces", i would make a fool of myself when i was younger because i didnt know better, then there were the quiet years, and now i make a fool of myself because i coudlnt care less :) but i digress.. again.. I have aspergers, the more i think about it, the more i have to admit the diagnosis may not be wrong after all. So not only did i have to overcome my shyness, but i had to figure out every tiny rule, every social convention, and even just how to talk to people, without any instinctual charisma i have gone from shy and withdrawn to the confident, smooth one in the group.

And this is where this article touches upon its namesake. I have plenty of quiet friends, and they annoy the hell out of me, because they don't have aspergers, many werent bullied at school, and one had a long term relationship with a hot girl who asked him out! and still they are quiet and unassuming and totally incapable of doing what i did, and just diving in. If i can overcome 7 years of intense bullying, and aspergers, then why cant they overcome what they have?

I have one friend i have tried to help. Since his long term girlfriend left him, well, he was before, but especially since, he has been unable to pluck up the courage to even talk to an attractive woman. So i took it upon myself to be his wingman. I have tried everything. I have got small groups of girls to come sit with us, he goes and hides in the toilets, i threw him at women, he shied away, i even got him an open invitation to go sit with a dozen or so really hot girls, "tell him to come over any time" they said, "we'll be here all night" they said, and this is some serious accomplishment, i am an aspie who managed to chat up a dozen hot girls simultaneously and totally sell my friend to them, and after this monumental task, one which i doubt i will ever pull off again, he still refused to go talk to them.

I learned to be confident by throwing myself into situations confident people dealt with, no matter how uncomfortable i got, and i have told my friends this, and they just cant make that first step. They want to, but they cant. The most frustrating part of all this is not that i cant ask girls over to our table without one or two guns running away, but that i dont understand why they cant take that first step, why they cant just grit their teeth and dive in. I keep trying to help, and they seem to appreciate me trying, but seriously, why cant they just do?

When something seems beyond your capabilities, you grit your teeth, close your eyes, and go for it, with all that you have, that's how you overcome it. If you come through unscathed enough times, you will realise you could do it, and you will learn how to do it again.

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